How to Date a Porcupine

 Roughly 30,000 quills cover the whole body of a porcupine....

--Canadian Geographic

Pinstriping Your Elephant

 Nose like a snake,

I make the Earth shake,

As I tramp through the grass....

J. R. R. Tolkien


It's Saturday Morning

 Lazy old day

Rolling away

Dreaming the day away....

--Ryan, Bhraonain, Ryan


Alien Stealth Balloon

I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.

--Arthur C. Clarke



New Cook

Eye of newt and toe of frog;

Wool of bat and tongue of dog,

Adder's fork and blind-worm's sting....



Wrong Lance

 Here's a tip: Always pay attention when selecting a lance for your next joust.


Monday Morning

Time is relative--it's long on Monday mornings, short on weekends. This is all Einstein's fault!



Frumious Bandersnatch

Careful observation has revealed the reason one sock from each pair so often goes missing.



Two Grumpy Cats

 If you're happy, happy, clap your hands.

If you're angry, angry, stomp your feet.

--Super Simple Songs


Intrepid Explorers

 Je suis un voyage (I am a voyage)....

Sirkis, Gerard, Combaud, "Go Rimbaud Go"



Zen and the Cooking of Art

To cook is not just to prepare food for someone or yourself; it is to express your sincerity.




It's a Zoo Out There!

 The skunk's odoriferous spray is strong enough to ward off bears, and can be detected by humans as much as 5.5 kilometres away. 



 Showing off is easier than working out.

Viking Cell Phones

Vikings were peaceful farmers who loved to explore the world, meet new people, and delete them.



Chocolate is lethal to Cats.

 Help your cats by eating all of the chocolate you can. Don't leave so much as a single fragment. It's your duty!

Own Goal

Vikings did not use maps.

--Royal Museums, Greenwich



Looking for a Home

 Before you buy a locomotive from a breeder, consider a rescue locomotive--there are hundreds of them trying to survive in the wild, desperate for a home and a little loving kindness.



 Against one perfect moment, the centuries beat in vain.

--Terry Pratchett

Fortune Teller

Ordinary fortune-tellers tell you what you want to happen;  witches tell you what's going to happen, whether you want it to or not. 

--Terry Pratchett


Mine! All Mine!

 Cats, like notorious conquistadors of the past--like Napoleon, like Alexander the Great, like Caesar Augustus--will claim as much territory as they can without spending a lot of mental currency on how they plan on defending their vast domains against intruders. 

Claiming a book you'll never read is one thing--claiming an entire chair for yourself presents far more serious difficulties when your sister hops up and claims it too.


The Toad of Paradise episode 4

In which Vlod Ironbeak's fixer, Demo Version, is recruited to find the lost gods of Toronto.


Poked Again!

 You know your cat friend likes you and trusts you when she doesn't hesitate to poke you for more attention, more brushing, or more food.



Sleepy Thoughts in a Warm Nest

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens

Bright copper kettles and warm woollen mittens 

Brown paper packages tied up with strings

These are a few of my favorite things....

--Hammerstein, Rodgers

--Photo by Renée Smith

Museum Piece With Cat

 Bulls in China shops have nothing on cats in China shops!


The Toad of Paradise 3

 In which Vlod Ironbeak assigns Polydoor (his Igor) and Demo Version (his fixer), the task of finding the lost gods of Toronto. Demo, who is also a professor of experimental existence at the University of Strange Thoughts, will be temporarily replaced in the lecture hall by George Ogre, an ogre. What could go wrong?