Too Late, the Surgeon!

Only his carrot survived; the rest of him filled a bucket. A funeral was held, during which everyone present melted in the heat of the emotion. 


Frog Priorities

 A Mad World, My Masters....

Play by Thomas Middleton, 1605. Nothing has changed.


Aliens Bearing Gifts

If an alien Santa should come down your chimney, or through your dryer vent, don't panic, just make sure you've got a towel handy, and a paper bag to put over your head. You'll be fine. 



Sealed with a Kiss

 Most mistletoes parasitize a variety of hosts, and some species even parasitize other mistletoes, which in turn, are parasitic on a host. 

--Encyclopedia Britannica

Because mistletoe could blossom even during the frozen winter, the Druids came to view it as a sacred symbol of vivacity, and they administered it to humans and animals alike in the hope of restoring fertility. 

--Evan Andrews


Merry, Merry, Merry

If you should happen to see elephants playing music in the sky, consider yourself fortunate indeed, because most of us don't, and never will.



Christmas Tree With Ornaments

 Thousands of years ago, in the freezing North, before the invention of Christmas presents, it was customary to decorate your giraffe with green holly and red berries to symbolize the rebirth of wishful thinking. 



Staking a claim in a steak

From the The Little Vampires' Great Big Book of Things to do at Parties: A steak on the menu is not a stake in the ground. Substitute ketchup for garlic. If the chef complains, bite him. 


Cat Physics

 Cats can occupy any space, no matter how small. All spaces belong to cats and are merely loaned to humans.


Frog Kong

 The Prince-Under-an-Evil-Spell syndrome is a well-known affliction among frogs.

Cat Comfort

 Research has shown that cats can be very healing for us.

--John Amodeo


A Jolly Little Scene

 It's supposed to be jolly, with mistletoe and holly...and other things ending in olly.

--Terry Pratchett


Alien Souvenirs

Guaranteed hand-made in Roswell by aliens! Batteries not included. Warning: small parts will eat children.



Ancient Egyptian Tech Support

 The ancient Egyptians used an early version of MS Dos that came with 32 rams, a shepherd, a printer with an embedded scribe, a temple-wall display with an attached stone mason, and a mummified brain in a canopic jar. Batteries were not included.