The Witch of Nothing 88

Panel from a webcomic I made before I knew anything. I still don't know anything, but now I don't care.

robots descending dragon to rescue hero



Blue-Butterfly Day

It is blue-butterfly day here in spring....

--Robert Frost

cat surprised by butterfly

The Curse of the Maladroit penguin 27

Small model railroads will often grow very large after a model railroader has finished skimming through a catalog of parts and supplies. This occurs in other hobbies as well. There is no known antidote; it's just a fact of nature, like talking caterpillars and catless grins. Reality is a collective agreement, which occasionally breaks down.

model railroad crane growing larger from frame to frame


Sketch for a Greeting Card

 Work in progress. Much to be done. 

work in progress, cat and ice cream

The Curse of the Maladroit Penguin 26

"You know, one of the most shocking things about it is to realize how easily we have lost a world that seemed so safe and certain."

--John Wyndham, The Day of the Triffids 

Penguin lamenting red beak


Sleep Now, Worry Later

 Thou has no figures nor no fantasies

Which busy care draws in the brains of men;

Therefore thou sleep'st so sound.


Kali relaxing on chair


Lazy Summer Days

There are many people walking around today armed with  earnest exhortations to get out of bed and go to work. What do they know!  

Teddy bear relaxing with an ice cream cone

The Curse of the Maladroit Penguin 25

 He thought he saw a Kangaroo

That worked a coffee-mill:

He look again, and found it was

a Vegetable-pill.

'Were I to swallow this,' he said,

'I should be very ill!'

--Lewis Carroll

witch putting a curse on penguin



 ....but the cat 

intends nothing but cat:

he is cat

from his tail to his chin whiskers:

from his living presumption of mouse

and the darkness, to the gold of his irises.

--Pablo Neruda

cat with puffed-out cheeks like a squirrel

New Toys

The other cat's toys are always better.



The Curse of the Maladroit Penguin 24

From the Manual of Safe Abduction Techniques by Bundalo Kreegah Zzzikkity III,  Master Alien Abductor, 79 7/8 Aargh Lane, Bootokkito, XG, the Alien Planet: When attempting to abduct a model railroad from the planet Earth, always make sure that your Vorbiter is set to Nognix, otherwise you run the risk of turning yourself inside out.

Penguin explaining how it abducted Macklin


The Curse of the Maladroit Penguin 23

Some people think that Elvis Presley went to live among the penguins on the planet Carson City after he exited stage left on Earth. This is not true. But Carson City (the planet, not its namesake on Earth) is famous for its broccoli ice cream, and is well worth a trip. 

Penguin explaining where it came from.

How to Philosophize

 When analyzing important problems in philosophy, such as "Which came first; the pizza or the topping?" or "Why Brussels sprouts?" it's a good idea to adopt the special, secret Philosopher's Pose. Lucy the cat has kindly agreed to demonstrate the pose for your benefit. Once you have mastered this pose, everything will become clear. 

cat in awkward pose


The Curse of the Maladroit Penguin 22

Occasionally a fish will attempt to escape predators by evolving into a sheep. This demonstrates a remarkable lack of foresight, because wolves have read Darwin and have developed the ability to determine precisely when a fish will turn into a sheep. 

Penguin mistaking a sheep for a fish


The Curse of the Maladroit Penguin 21

There is no route out of the maze. The maze shifts as you move through it, because it is alive. 

--Philip K. Dick

Climbing a hill made of Brussels sprouts




I'm not in love, no no

It's because...

I like to see you....

--Eric Stewart, Graham Gouldman

shy cat with flowers for his love



The Curse of the Maladroit Penguin 20

Few people realize how dangerous Brussels sprouts can be. They have no natural enemies, and once they have bitten you, or infected your meal, the only antidote is chocolate--lots and lots of chocolate.

Brussels sprouts attack our heroes



The curse of the Maladroit Penguin 19

The all-purpose kitchen gadget was once considered for use by the Duchy of Grand Fenwick, but it was rejected in favour of a nutcracker. 

Demo attacking vegetable zombie with kitchen gadget


The Curse of the Maladroit Penguin 18

All-purpose kitchen gadgets not sold in stores are available on shiftypete.con, or on TV, whichever is worse. But wait, there's more: purchase one gadget today and get a free elephant! Hurry while supplies last! Shipping not included.

The .con website will ask for your social security number, your bank accounts, samples of your DNA, and your passport. You can trust this site, so go ahead. After all, we're all in this together. 

attacking zombie vegetables with a pocket knife.




Although some owls can rotate their heads through 270 degrees it is a myth that they can turn their heads all the way around.


Under the overhanging yews,

The dark owls sit in solemn state,

Like stranger gods; by twos and twos

Their red eyes gleam. They meditate.

--Charles Baudelaire

owl and cat turned to look at each other


The Curse of the Maladroit Penguin 17

According to the famous chef, Jaimie Oliver, you can make zombie brains with whole-roasted celeriac, mushroom sauce and pear barley. Pouring this concoction into an actual zombie might prove difficult, though. 

zombie vegetables attack



Happy Mother's Day

 The heart of a mother is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness.


Cat holding mother's day card



A Temporary Fur-ball Truce

 Peace talks go better with food. A plump gourmet lasts longer than a skinny warrior. Humans obsess over politics, ideology and religion; cats obsess over food. Cats relax and sleep. Humans mentally gnaw themselves to pieces with worry. Cats tell humans what to do. Humans tell each other what to do.

I want to be the cat.