The Curse of the Maladroit Penguin 18

All-purpose kitchen gadgets not sold in stores are available on shiftypete.con, or on TV, whichever is worse. But wait, there's more: purchase one gadget today and get a free elephant! Hurry while supplies last! Shipping not included.

The .con website will ask for your social security number, your bank accounts, samples of your DNA, and your passport. You can trust this site, so go ahead. After all, we're all in this together. 

attacking zombie vegetables with a pocket knife.


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